haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
