Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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