he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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