How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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