every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
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I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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