He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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