Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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