She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
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