When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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