I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i drank out of a bidet.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
