Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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