I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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