Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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