ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We left the knife in your bed.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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