Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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