My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
