Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
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I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
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My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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