put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
