I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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