Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
