I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
