I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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