he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
