I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
