so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
