I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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