how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
