Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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