u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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