It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
