Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
