There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
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In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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