i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
