South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
