Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
