I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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