so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
