Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
