Barsexuality is the new black.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
wow bdsm is so cute
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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