Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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