we have officially lost it.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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