My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
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i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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