jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Randomize
