You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
