he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
