Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
