I think my fart just growled at me.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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