I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
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Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
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He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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