i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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