How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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