Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Randomize
