i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
it glows. i had to have it.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
