...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
