i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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