all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
