Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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