why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
