btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
