Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
