and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
