her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
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