she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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