the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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