I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
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