If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
